stylecrasher

Loving yourself first.

     I always had trouble understanding the phrase “Nobody will love you if you don’t love yourself first”. I used to think it was about how others love you only if you are confident and have a strong sense of yourself. Turns out, I was wrong. What I now understand is that you will not be able to feel loved if you don’t love yourself. Why? Because no matter how much someone may love you, you will never be able to accept that love if you don’t believe you deserve it. When you are insecure, you rely on others to give you what you deprive yourself of: love, acceptance, confidence. The harsh truth is, though, that even if someone completely sacrifices themselves for you, you will still find yourself uneasy, you may even feel uncomfortable, because in the end you keep asking yourself this crippling question: “What have I done to deserve your love? Why do you care so much about me? Why do you still care?” And it’s a never-ending circle, because no matter how badly someone loves you, no matter what they do for you, no matter how hard they try to make you love yourself, they fail, they are disappointed, and nothing changes.

     Then, one day you may lose it all. All those people who mattered, all those people who tried, this one person in particular who would go to the moon and back just to see you smile. All those people who showered you with their love are now gone, because you made them run away from you, because your self-doubt is crippling not only to yourself, but to them as well. So what do you do? You are lost. And it is time to take one particular and very hard decision: that you will learn to love yourself. That you will learn to accept you for who you are. That you will try to make amends.

     It took me losing things that mattered the most to me to understand that the reason why I would ruin everything in my life and hurt people was because I couldn’t accept any love, because I thought I didn’t deserve any. But now, I see. I see that everyone deserves to be loved. I see that everyone is worth of love. And the most important love we deserve is the love we give to ourselves, otherwise we will keep hurting people and ruining relationships, because self loathing is poison. So now I know that if you want to feel loved, you have to love yourself. Not in the surface, not in a superficial way, but the way you would with any other person. I am a lover, but I never loved me. So now, I love me. I am trying every day. I accept me for who I am, I realize my mistakes, own up to them and try to make amends. I find what I don’t like about me, what brings me down and I try to change it. Because people do change. People get better. And it starts by them establishing a healthy relationship with themselves.

Breaks and broken things.

Some people believe you can’t fix what is broken. I disagree with that. I believe that part of our humanity is making mistakes and trying to fix things. After all, isn’t the inevitability of making mistakes the cornerstone of our existence? Would it have been possible for us, as a whole, to achieve such vast amounts of progress if it weren’t for mistakes? It’s all about trial and error.

I guess giving up is easy. Fucking up is also easy. But when you find something in your life worth fighting for, why would you give it up? Mistakes are inevitable after all, so there is a guaranteed certainty that you will fuck up in one way or another. And by fucking up you create tension. And tension creates an uneasy feeling, which can result in rips or tears. Then I guess you need to know how to sew. This metaphor is really bad, but still.  Life is really all about trying to make things right. It’s about understanding where you went wrong, trying to fix it, asking for forgiveness, putting aside your selfish tendencies and making it your mission to make everyday better than the last.

If you find someone that can make you happy with their smile, find the strenght to keep them in your life. We live in a world that encourages selfish behavior. A world where the winner is the person that gets out alive, no matter how much pain they have caused. I fucked up because I let myself be part of that world. I fucked up because I believed that the most selfish one wins. Guess what? I lost. Selfishness is not the answer. Especially in love. No, never in love. But I try to fix my mistakes. I try to make it right. Who knows if I will make it? I lost everything when I made the ones I loved cry. But I hope they find the strenght to forgive me, and I hope I can find the strenght to forgive myself, and I hope that I can make things right. After all, when something is broken, there is always glue.

How current trends influence your style

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     Each of us has a unique,particular style, that helps them stand out (or blend in!) from individuals around them. Ask any celebrity, style icon or even your dear neighbor and any given day of the week they will assure you that current trends don’t dominate their style sense, and they wear what is pleasing to them, and not to some designer. Sounds familiar? Then, there is the over-rehearsed quote from the lady herself, Coco Chanel stating that “fashions fade, style is eternal”. What the late Miss Chanel meant,is that no matter what the norm of dressing in a current era is, if you have a sense of style,it will shine above tweed skirts and color blocking. However, is anybody really taking into any account the influence said current trends have on them? The concept is simple: everything you wear at this particular moment has been influenced by a big percent by the dominating fashion trends at the time you acquired it. If I have a military inspired blazer in my closet, it is because I went to Zara in spring 2010 and bought it. Remember how big the military trend was? Yeah, you can thank the Balmain fellows on that one. However, at the current time, I was oblivious to the fact that buying said blazer constituted that I let said trend influence my style. To me, it was just a blazer, and honestly,it probably was just a blazer. But see what happened? I took a little piece of current fashion home with me,and in my closet. So, when I wore it the next day, without having any knowledge, I was a part of current trends. To the fashion aware ones, I was following a trend. I have managed to become part of the norm, beating in some level the whole concept of style, which according to the lady, shines above fashion. But is it necessarily a bad thing? Does it make me a blind consumer that wishes to wear what is in right now to prove themselves as fashion savvy? No, it doesn’t. And letting trends influence your wardrobe choices is unevitable. Except if you shop and dress all vintage, every time you buy something from a shop you are allowing trends to enter your wardrobe and modify in some way your style. And it is definitely not something bad, because through current and past trends, you can achieve a personal style so unique, that has nothing to do with the cookie cutter style the fashion industry promotes. Two days later, I saw a girl wearing the same military blazer, styled completely different from the way I and Balmain styled it. And I was sure: style can really shine above fashion.

Splurge VS Save

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This week: the essential fall ankle boot

SPLURGE:

Acne Pistol boots

SAVE:

Steve Madden Paradoxx

Inspiring runway looks at Saint Lauren SS14

Usually, runways and fashion shows leave me cold, since I find personal style more inspiring. However, seeing the looks from the Saint Lauren SS14 made me rethink my approach as to what is inspiring.

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Song for the night

Charlotte Olympia capsule collection for Halloween

 

BATTYFORPANDORA-zqOrn4-black BITEMEKITTY-purple2-lgn BOO-3H61Da-orange SKELETON-IcjI5f-black2 TRICKORTREAT-orange5-lgn WEB-PzxAin-black

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How cute are the goodies from Charlotte Olympia’s Halloween collection? I want everything! The collection will be available October 1st in Charlotte Olympia stores and online, and on Net a Porter.

Looks from the Shopbop sale

As if we needed another reason to love Shopbop and sales. (Also: dream shopping)

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This outfit is pretty basic: the boyfriend jeans, the sweater and the flats are probably everybody’s “going groccery shopping” look (if you exclude sweatpants). However, the statement necklace and the bag dress it up just enough to make it appropriate for grabbing coffee in that hype downtown coffee place.

Get the look:

Jeans

Sweater

Flats

Bag

Necklace

 

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Get the look:

Leather pants

Sunglasses

Top

Bag

Rings ( they are not on sale, but they are dirt cheap)

Splurge VS Save

This week: celestial earrings

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SPLURGE:

Catbird tiny dancer star&moon studs

SAVE:

Erica Weiner moon and star studs

Spurge VS Save

This week: grey pumps

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SPLURGE

Lauren Marinis Gilda ( can you tell I am in love with this shoe?)

SAVE

ShoeMint Bess in Grey

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